Separate Lives
by Reparata
Summary: NEW. They'd been happy and content together until one of them left, leaving behind emotional chaos and shattered hopes and dreams. How can a simple phone call set one on a journey of discovery while leading the other down a path that can only lead to despair and regret? Leonard, Sheldon, Howard, Raj, delicious Bernadette and
1. Boredom Relief

**A/N: This is a prologue of sorts, more like a teaser than a chapter. Life is hard and decisions made in the heat of the moment carry consequences as well as opportunities.**

**Will eventually reach a happy ending for all who read but...**

* * *

Prologue

Cooper Residence  
Pasadena, California  
4am

He was jerked from a reasonably sound sleep by her ring tone. He glanced at his alarm clock – 4:02AM. _"The woman has no concept of time.'_ He hastily answered the phone.

"_Hi. Did I wake ya?"_

"Um, yeah, you did. What's wrong? He bit back the '_this time'_ that was almost out of his mouth.

"_Nothing. I – I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you, Shel. Do you miss me?"_

He got up and shoved his feet into his bedroom slippers and walked downstairs from his bedroom to the galley kitchen and put the kettle on for tea.

"_What's all that banging around, Moon Pie?"_ He hadn't answered her question. He never did, not any more.

She probably shouldn't have called but she was in a strange city, rehearsals were over early and her hotel room, although top drawer, was empty. She was lonely.

"Making tea. How many times…oh, never mind. It's not like you'll stop calling me 'Moon Pie' at this stage. Where are you?"

"_London. We open tomorrow and – and I'm lonely, Sheldon. I miss – "_

"Where's what's-his-name, Barney?"

"_He…we broke up. He was auditioning for a play off-Broadway and he didn't want to miss an opportunity."_

"He didn't last as long as Kermit did."

"_**Kevin**__. His name was Kevin, not Kermit, and I just can't seem to find someone like…like you, sweetie. They're either dumb as rocks or they think they're smart but aren't. Actors. You know the type."_

"Self-centered, selfish, narcissistic, publicity-seeking frauds who abandon their friends and…and…run after the limelight? Who seem to be ashamed of who and what they were two years ago and act as if that whole time never happened? Yes, Penny, I am intimately familiar with the type."

"_God, Sheldon, you can be such an ass!"_ She shouldn't have called him. This was a mistake. He just didn't understand why she'd left for greener pastures, why her biography on IMDB was so empty of anything real, why her life was so empty. Those other men were just…stuffing in the emptiness of her life, nothing more.

"I get that a lot, Penny," she cringed mentally because she'd heard how he was after their breakup from mutual friends, "but I'm not the one who left. I'm not the one who said – "

_"You could have come with me but noooo, you had to – "_

"I'm not the one who said 'I don't love you anymore', was I, Penny? I'm not the one who said 'You're not who I need anymore'?"

There was a gasp on her end of the phone and he felt bad for a moment but then remembered the long nights after she'd fled to New York.

"Penny, I never thought we'd end up…I thought what we had was strong and could weather any storm. But I never, not in my wildest dreams, thought that you would stop loving me. Perhaps you never started?"

"_Sheldon…"_ He could hear her sniffing over the phone.

'_Great, now she's going to start sniveling and I won't be able to understand a word she says, not that I haven't heard it all before.'_

"Penny, how do you do it? I really want to know. I want to know more than I want to figure out String Theory. How do you do it?"

"_Do what, sweetie?"_ She cringed when she realized she'd called him 'sweetie' but it was a habit with her.

"Quit loving someone so totally and so thoroughly and so abruptly? I really need to know. It's hard, Penny, for me to ask but…"

The kettle whistled so he turned off the burner under it and poured the boiling water into a cup and then got a tea bag out of the pantry and began dipping it in the hot water again and again, up and down and up and down and…

"_I still kinda love you, Shel, but I never asked you to give up String Theory for me, did I?"_

"That's a subtle non sequitur if ever I heard one, Penny. I never asked you to give up your pursuit of your chosen career nor would I have. I understand ambition and obsession far better than you do. If you remember, it was you who decided to head for the 'bright lights' of Broadway and leave me behind. It was…I had to find out from Bernadette, for God's sake. You couldn't even tell me to my face. Just packed up and - "

"_Hold on, sweetie, I've got a call on the room phone. Please don't hang up._" She stabbed at the mute button on her iPhone. She'd called him 'sweetie' again and sounded so false, even to her.

_Hello? Hi!_

_[Pause]_

_Supper? Sure…9pm…and then a club? Sounds like fun, Paul._

_[Pause]_

_See you then, honey._

"_Sheldon, sorry about that. It was someone from the show about tomorrow…Sheldon? Sheldon?"_

"Have a nice dinner and fun at the club, Penny. I think I've figured out how to do it. Please – don't call back. You have no right to treat me like…like 'boredom relief'. "I'll move on, Penny, somehow. Just…don't call me again - ever. Please."

He hung up without bothering to hear her lie again.

London  
Savoy Hotel

She thought she had hit the 'mute' button but obviously hadn't. He sounded so broken and it was all her fault. She'd long ago decided that nothing was going to stop her rise to the top but she hadn't counted on falling for a lanky, nerdy physicist who was as ruthless and ambitious as she was.

But fallen she had. She'd fallen hard and it scared her. She was torn between her dreams and her heart and her dreams won but her dreams had cost her so damned much.

Penny glanced at the clock and then hurried to shower and get her face on and along the way she pushed Sheldon Cooper from her conscious mind and busied herself preparing for her date.

* * *

Continuation will depend upon interest. Yes, it's harsh but then so is the world we live and love in. If this goes on, better buckle your seatbelts, boys and girls.

Reparata


	2. Learning to Walk Again

Appropriate Quotation: '**_The mind goes back, but time goes on, and goodbyes should be forever'. R. Heinlein_**

Chapter 2

Cooper residence  
Pasadena, CA

Sheldon straightened his tie and pressed it flat against his chest and slipped on his suit coat. Penny had given him the tie as a gift to celebrate their 6-month anniversary as a couple. He had presented her with keys to the house.

He did not hate her although he hated that she left without even saying goodbye. He did not hate her although he hated the various men she'd been with (and would be with). It was his fault because he wasn't able to give her the dream she so badly wanted.

No. He hated himself for not being enough.

* * *

CalTech  
Pasadena, California  
10am

He knocked just twice on the open office door and then stuck his head in. He vowed to break the hold that OCD (and his former girlfriend) had on him and it was a start.

"Dr. Cooper, what a surprise. I'm busy, Dumbass, and unless you're here to finally admit that Loop Theory trumps String Theory, we have nothing to discuss."

"Have dinner with me. Tonight. Wear a decent dress and I'll pick you up at 7pm. And Loop Theory is a colossal waste of your time and mind but that's just my 'dumbass' opinion. I'll be on time. Try not to keep me waiting too long. I'll make reservations at El Greco's for 8pm."

He turned and walked out, not waiting for her answer. Had he waited, he would have seen the broadest smile that Leslie Winkle was capable of. She leaned back in her chair and made a mental list of things she had to do and then started making phone calls.

* * *

Faculty Dining Room  
11:30am

Sheldon positioned his lunch tray precisely 2 inches from the edges of the corner of the table he sat at and began arranging his plastic silverware and his drink.

"Sheldon, dude, what's that on your plate? Where's your sandwich and Cheese Curls?" asked Raj. He saw Sheldon slouch in his chair, elbows on the table, looking at his lunch.

"I believe it is supposed to be Meat Loaf with Tomato Sauce and French fries but I would imagine the soy content of the meat negates that description but what the heck, I'm hungry and feeling adventurous today."

Raj dropped his fork into his Chef's Salad and just stared. He wished Leonard or Howard were here to witness this strange turn of events. He knew they would never believe him so he took out his cell phone and took a picture of Sheldon and his plate and emailed it to Howard, Leonard and several others.

He soon began receiving text messages back.

_[Leonard] Don't let him leave. I'm on the way!_

_[Howard] Take his knife! He's obviously going to begin slaughtering his fellow diners! He's finally snapped! She finally broke him! _

_[Bernadette] Damn Penny Drummond to Hell! He's broken and it's all her fault! Do you smell alcohol on his breath?_

_[Amy] It was only a matter of time. My ex-BFF must have called him again. The blonde temptress with the luscious breasts and smooth, flawless skin – well, perhaps we should consider an intervention? _

_[Leslie] Finally! And he was sober!_

Raj could understand all of the responses but Winkle's.

* * *

"Hey, Sheldon, buddy. How are you?" Leonard sat down across from Sheldon. He smiled at him and spoke softly and made sure not to make eye contact. He didn't want to trigger further unusual behavior. Ever since Penny dumped him he'd been distant, avoiding the lunch crowd and rarely coming over to the apartment for Thai Night or Vintage Video night.

"I'm fine, Leonard, although after eating this poor excuse for corn-fed beef I may require an antacid. Do you have a Tum on you?"

"Um, no…but if you really have to have one, I'll scrounge one up…just keep calm and – "

"I spoke with Penny last night. For the final time. I've finally accepted that she's not coming back. I'm establishing a new paradigm for the future. I want to thank you, Leonard, for standing by me during my repeated episodes with alcohol. I assure you I'm clean and sober and I owe your and Howard and Bernadette a great debt that I can never repay."

"Nah, buddy, that's what friends are for. Besides, except for Howard, Penny pretty well screwed all of us literally and figuratively." He saw Sheldon's eyes narrow and realized perhaps he could have said something less inflammatory. When he saw Sheldon's fingers whiten as they curled around the plastic knife, he leaned back in his chair.

"Well, Raj was a great help also. I am fortunate to have chosen such a loyal group of followers and, by extension, their ladies. So, as I was saying, I am 'moving on'. I don't know why I couldn't accept it before but…it's definitely over and she's not coming back."

Leonard whined, "I'm sorry, buddy, but maybe it's for the best. People like us don't get people like her in our lives very often and when we do, they don't stay long."

"I was going to ask her to marry me, Leonard. I thought I was going to be the Beast who got the Beauty; I am _Homo Novus_ after all. Clearly my selection criteria were flawed and I intend to test new criteria again and again until I have found my other half, so to speak. My biological clock is ticking, gentlemen, and I'm in control of my emotions once again."

"That's probably a good idea. Get back out there, meet new people and begin to experience life again. Just – just don't disappear on us again, Sheldon. We were all worried when you just – "

"Oh, don't beat around the bush, Leonard. I'm no longer that frail and hollow man she so thoughtlessly gutted and left broken along the side of life's highway. I've changed and, I believe, evolved from emotional prey to predator. Alcohol was merely a handy anesthetic. I shan't induce alcohol poisoning again, I assure you. And as for any impromptu trips to the Far East – my passport has been revoked pending a review of the misunderstanding in Beijing. I am certain I shall be exonerated."

Leonard was unable to comment. Sheldon's comments had touched on so many issues at so many levels that it was akin to 3 dimensional chess.

Sheldon finished his lunch and burped loudly. "I'll get you an antacid, buddy. Just stay put. I'll be right back."

Sheldon never burped in public believing it beneath the dignity of a physicist. This new paradigm shift was already making itself felt.

"Not necessary, Leonard, but thank you for your consideration. Now, if you gentlemen will excuse me, I have to see Human Resources and schedule vacation. I think, yes, a road trip!"

Raj looked at Leonard and then said, "But dude, you don't have a car and neither Leonard nor I have vacation and – oh, you're going by train!"

"R-O-A-D trip, Raj. Trains run on tracks. Were I going by train, I would have said Track Trip." He wheezed a laugh at his subtle humor.

"I'm going by automobile, of course. I bought one this morning, or rather, I leased one. The tax advantages are beneficial and I've always wanted to own a Jaguar." He looked at his chronometer (a mere watch would never do). "Well, I've got to be going."

"Did he just say – "

"Yes. My ears did not deceive me. A Jaguar."


	3. Looking Back Towards the Future

A/N: Penny follows her dream and leave carnage behind.

* * *

Chapter 3

1600 Fulton St  
Apt 1006  
10:45pm

Sheldon escorted Leslie Winkle to her apartment as a gentleman should do. He'd been schooled from an early age in the strictures of social etiquette where women were concerned. She kept looking at him out of the corner of her eye as the elevator crept up to her floor.

"Dinner was great, Sheldon. And I can't believe we spent the entire evening without once talking about our work. I really had a good time. Would you like to come in for coffee?"

"I don't drink coffee, Leslie, but if that's 'code' for coitus then yes, I'd love to."

She cooked him breakfast in the nude. He ate it in the nude. She'd experienced more orgasms in the past 12 hours than in the past year – including those that were self-inflicted.

Now she was basking in the afterglow of another satisfying session of intercourse. Never, ever would Leslie Winkle call it 'love making' – she didn't believe in love at all. It was all brain chemistry and hormones and instinct. It was _hogwash_.

"We really need to do this again, Sheldon. What are your plans for the weekend?" Leslie was lying in bed on her stomach, running her fingertips up and down the inside of Sheldon's thigh while he drew equations on her butt.

"I haven't planned that far ahead. What did you have in mind?"

"Any damned thing you can imagine, Sheldon. _Anything._"

"I'm on vacation so I'll call you when I know what my plans are."

"Promise?" He nodded, hoping she didn't see the swarm of tics that appeared on his face. He had no intentions whatsoever of seeing her again in the near future. He needed additional data samples for his study.

* * *

Cooper Residence

Sheldon sat at his desk and entered a summary of the previous night's activities into a file that would later become the basis of his research paper although it would never be published. It was personal.

He didn't include that during one particularly intense and creative act of fellatio he'd almost called out Penny's name when he ejaculated. Perhaps it was because he was deep in her throat and it reminded him of one of Penny's most interesting ways of bringing him to orgasm.

Sheldon glanced at his chronometer and wondered how Penny's date had gone and whether she'd swallowed her date and then milked him dry.

He couldn't recognize the emotions he was feeling at that moment but had he not been whom he was, he'd have recognized intense bitterness.

He cursed his eidetic memory but resolved to avoid any such comparisons in the future. He pulled up his daily To Do List and noted that today was 'Lawn Care & Maintenance' day. Sheldon changed into his 'Lawn Care & Maintenance' apparel and proceeded to mow his small lawn and apply a liberal spreading of fertilizer and weed control agent.

When he leased the small house (with an option to buy) it was with the intent of marrying Penny and starting a family. They'd moved in together and been very happy (or so he thought) until her ambition got the better of her. It was on a warm and quiet Sunday afternoon that his world went to Hell.

Two Years Earlier

Cooper-Drummond Residence  
Pasadena, California

"Sheldon, what am I gonna do? My career is in the toilet, I have no prospects and my peers are either soccer moms or successful actors."

He set the Times crossword puzzle and pen aside and sighed as if put upon. They'd had this conversation many, many times and it always ended with Sheldon offering her a shoulder to cry on and then the couple would seek solace in the brief respite offered by coitus.

"Perhaps you should enroll in acting classes again. I will pay, of course. I would do anything to make you happy, Penny; surely you know that by now?"

Yes, she knew that he would literally give her the shirt off his back if it would make her happy and while she loved him for his unwavering support, it just wasn't enough. Not this time. She was suffocating and she needed to be free to spread her wings and practice her craft.

"I've taken all the stupid classes already, some twice. No, I need to be where the action is – on stage. The focus of Hollywood is all on tits and ass, not skill. The real place to practice my craft is on stage, on Broadway. The producers there look for charisma and acting talent not for a quickie on the casting couch."

"Aren't there stage productions here, Penny? Surely New York isn't the only city in America where there are such productions? Didn't we see 'Wicked' in Los Angeles? Have you asked your agent to – "

"It's not the same, Sheldon! It's like the minor leagues out here and I need to try out for the big leagues. Would you be happy teaching at Slippery Rock State Teachers College? No."

"Penny, Slip – " he began.

"I'm – I'm gonna go to New York and I'm gonna be successful. It's my destiny, sweetie, just like yours is to win the Nobel Prize for your research into String Theory."

"You're leaving? But Penny – " He was appalled at the sound of neediness in his voice.

"We'll Skype and have the occasional weekend together, baby. I'll call every night and – "

"You're leaving?" It was all he could think of to say. An IQ of 187 and he was having trouble finding words.

"Come with me! Your brain is portable…" Her laughter was something he'd miss. And her satisfied sighs after making love. He'd abandoned 'coitus' after experiencing intercourse with Penny. With her it had been 'making love'. 'Coitus' hardly scratched the surface in describing how it made him feel.

"I'm under contract for another year. I can't – "

"Take one of those sa-sa, oh, what's the word? Sabbatical, yeah, a sabbatical. You'll love New York and there's so much to do and you can work in an environment free from distraction."

The oxymoron in her single sentence was mind-boggling to Sheldon. "Penny, I can't – "

"You mean you _won't_! Sheldon, don't you love me? Don't you want me to be happy? Don't you want us to be together?" She was suffocating in California. She needed to breathe.

* * *

The very next day Sheldon inquired about taking a 6-month sabbatical. Dr. Gabelhauser was shocked when Sheldon approached him. It was obvious that the young genius was desperate.

"Dr. Cooper, a sabbatical at this point in the semester would be highly disruptive to your grad students but I'll allow it – this one time. When would you like to begin your 6-month sabbatical?"

Sheldon called Penny to tell her he'd been successful in obtaining a sabbatical but his call went directly to voicemail.

His mood darkened and he uncharacteristically slammed doors and snarled at his assistant when Alex gave him his phone messages, none of which were from Penny.

The final straw was when his debit card was declined in the faculty cafeteria and he had to ask Leonard to pay for his lunch.

"The bank has made an error and my account has been closed as a result. Could you – " He hated needing to ask but Leonard was his friend and happily 'spotted' him for lunch.

"I'll pay you back, Leonard. I must call the bank and straighten this out immediately."

His day got even worse. Leonard couldn't help but hear the shock and then the sadness in his friend's voice when he said, "Closed? But why? I'm a depositor in good-standing and…she – _she_ closed the account?"

Sheldon hung up his cell and begged Leonard to please take him home immediately.


	4. All The Queen's Horses

This is a 'flashback' chapter to set up following chapters and explain a bit more about what happened to Penny and Sheldon and the time immediately following her abrupt departure.

* * *

Chapter 4  
Cooper-Drummond Residence  
Pasadena, California

He burst into his home shouting her name. Leonard followed him in, more out of curiosity than anything else but then got concerned when he heard Sheldon's voice saying brokenly over and over, "She's gone. She packed up and she's gone. What am I going to do without her?"

Leonard stared at his friend. He was lying half on and half off his bed (their bed) holding a pillow against his chest and rocking side to side, tears running down his cheeks and sobs racking his thin body.

Penny's side of the walk-in closet was empty. Even the hangars were gone. Every drawer in her dresser was open but empty.

"Sheldon, buddy, c'mon. Let's get you downstairs and get some hot tea into you. I'm sure there's a good explanation for this. Maybe she's – "

"She's gone. She cleaned out our checking account and packed up and left." He looked up at Leonard with red-rimmed eyes and said, "She talked about New York and the stage and how dissatisfied she was with her career's progress…we talked about a sabbatical and we'd go together. That was yesterday. She didn't even wait to hear the news…"

"What news, buddy?" Leonard was scared. Sheldon Cooper had never ever, in all the time he'd known him, shown such depths of emotion. It was like he was being drained of his spirit while Leonard watched, helplessly. Sheldon couldn't answer him. He just pulled himself up onto the bed and curled up in a fetal position and sobbed.

Leonard ran down stairs and stepped out onto the patio and called Howard. He noticed Penny's flip-flops under the rattan settee and the Sunday Times crossword puzzle that was open on Sheldon's side. And a pen. _'Of course he does the Times Crossword in pen,'_ thought Leonard.

"Howard, Code Red. Penny dumped Sheldon, cleaned out their joint checking account and left him. Yes, I'm sure. I'm at their place and her closet is bare as are her dresser drawers. No, no note and his calls go to voicemail. Can you come over – and bring Bernie? I think a woman might have better luck getting through to him…"

* * *

It turned out that Bernadette already knew about Penny's departure. There had been a dramatic scene at the Cheesecake Factory when Penny told the manager 'to shove her job up her ass' because she was going to New York. Bernadette had talked with her in the parking lot and grew so damned angry with her that she could hardly speak. She could see all Penny's stuff in the backseat of the car Sheldon had surprised her with on her birthday.

"You didn't even leave him a note, Penny? You said you were so much in love with him just last week and now – you pull this shit! My God, you are a piece of work, Penelope Drummond. That man loves you more than…more than…more than _String Theory_! How can you do this to him?" The little blonde's voice grew more and more strident.

"I have a dream and he's just holding me back, suffocating me. I didn't realize it until last night. The sex is awesome but – but I just don't love him like I should. I need to go, Bernie. If you see him…tell him…tell him anything you want. He should have seen this coming. He knows how unhappy I am. Our relationship was going nowhere just like my career. It was so suffocating. Listen, I gotta go. Next time you see me…I'll be famous!"

* * *

Cooper-Drummond Residence  
Pasadena, California

Bernadette walked downstairs and into the kitchen, dabbing at her eyes with a kleenex. "He's asleep, finally. Poor man. He's devastated and blames himself. Nothing could be further from the truth. Penny broke his heart and cleaned him out and didn't even leave a damned note."

"What did you tell him? The truth would kill him, Bernie. He's not made of steel. He's just a man after all."

Leonard knew first hand about Penny's cruel streak. She'd torn _his_ heart out on several occasions. He knew what Sheldon was going through. He just didn't know if his friend was strong enough to overcome this. Sheldon Cooper never did things halfway and his love for her had consumed his entire being.

Would heartbreak finish him off?

"I told him exactly what Penny told me. That woman lied to him. I won't compound one lie with another."

Bernadette spent the next two days and nights at Sheldon's and Howard was beside himself with jealousy but Leonard, ever the voice of reason, put it to him succinctly and with no punches pulled while eating lunch at work.

"Howard, don't be an ass! Bernie is worried about Sheldon just as we all are. She sleeps in the guest bedroom and if anyone knows your ex-wife, it's you. She's not going to crawl all over him and try to screw him out of his depression. She's just watching out for him. You saw him. Was that husk upstairs in his bedroom Sheldon Cooper?"

"I love her, Leonard. I want us to get back together. My Ma's totally out of my life now and I'm ready to try again. _She's_ the one being obstinate, so if I'm a little bit sensitive, excuse the hell out of me! I'm the one that threw his own mother under the bus for the love of a woman who won't even talk to me about a reconciliation!"

A few days later Sheldon seemed better and was talking about going back to work the next day. Bernadette suggested he take a few more days of vacation to center him self emotionally but he just laughed.

"And do what? Everything about this place reminds me of her. We painted the kitchen and stained the cabinets and put in those new countertops she just had to have. The colors, the furniture, even the smells remind me of her."

He seemed to gather himself up and Bernadette worried that he'd finally snapped and for just a brief moment, she was afraid.

"No. I need my work. I need my science. I am _Homo Novus_ and like Spock, I will purge myself of the burdens of emotions and concentrate on what's important – science."

But he didn't. He sent Bernadette home with a grateful lingering hug and turned and locked the door. He grabbed the first bottle he could lay his hands on and went out onto the patio and got roaring drunk.

* * *

New York City

She had quickly found a sublet apartment she felt she could afford and then made the rounds of several entertainment agencies that her old agent had recommended. Penny had a sneaky suspicion that her portfolio, as thin as it was, would end up in some filing cabinet labeled 'Losers – Too Old' right above 'Losers- Too Young'.

She was 28 and the average age of the other 'wannabe-an-actress' girls sitting in the lobby waiting for an interview was closer to 20 and she had never felt so 'old' before.

But Penny loved New York. It was a city that was in a constant state of change and she liked that. Her life back in California had been dictated by her boyfriend's suffocating schedules and needs but here, here in New York, she could _breathe!_

She checked her cell phone and saw the usual missed calls and texts from her friends back in California but saw one she didn't recognize – and it had a New York City area code! She deleted all the voicemails and unread texts but returned the New York call.

* * *

Okay, so it was 'off-Broadway' and the part was minor with only lines in the first and third acts but it was a real role in a real play in New York City! She was finally getting a paycheck for living her dream.

And she'd met a guy who was from Iowa when she'd auditioned for the play and they'd hit it off right away. Kevin was tall with dark hair and flashing blue eyes and they hit it off immediately, practicing their lines and talking about future opportunities. He didn't have a place to stay so…

* * *

Penny's cell buzzed and Kevin reached over her sleeping form and answered it.

"Hullo?" He was only half awake and feeling the full effects of a night of drinking and screwing.

"_Yes, this is Pasadena General Hospital and I need to speak with Ms. Penny Drummond. She's listed as the emergency contact for Dr. Sheldon Cooper and we must speak with her."_

"She's asleep. It's like 4am here and who the fuck calls anyone at 4am? Call back in the morning." He disconnected the call and turned off her cell phone and tossed it on the nightstand. He pulled her into his arms and fell back to sleep.

* * *

R&R if you've a mind. Trying to keep posting one every other day.


	5. Life Without Penny

A/N: This chapter could be called the 'time traveler' since it hops from period to period. pay attention.

* * *

Separate Lives

Chapter 5

Present Day

He had a week until his one month of vacation and he hadn't figured out an itinerary yet. After that drought-ending night with Winkle, Sheldon resumed his monk-like existence, remaining within his office and pondering the unimaginable as he scrawled equations and notes all over his white boards. He was thinking, considering, imagining and evaluating a total shift in his thinking towards String Theory.

His theories were beginning to coalesce when his office phone rang. Cursing the interruption, he answered with uncharacteristic venom oozing from his voice at whoever dared to interrupt his impending moment of clarity.

"What is so damned important that you find it necessary to interrupt me?" He didn't care who it was. They had interrupted his train of thought.

"Wow, Sheldon, you really have to lay off the Mountain Dew. Cooking for one is like masturbating. Vaguely satisfying but much better if done with another. I'll make spaghetti with garlic bread and salad. Seven o'clock and please, be prompt."

She hung up the phone and waited, slowly counting One-Mississippi, Two- Mississip – and her phone rang.

"It's a work night." A blunt Cooperesque statement of fact as if those four words explained everything he was thinking.

"Bring a change of clothes." She hung up and went back to work, a tiny smile on her lips. She ran fingers through her hair in frustration at filling out damned grant forms. She grabbed a phone book, found what she was looking for and made an appointment for 1pm. Screw the grant forms. She was going to get laid in style.

* * *

1600 Fulton St  
Apt 1006

He added another reason why owning a car was foolish. It took him longer to find a parking spot than the last time, probably because of it being a weeknight. He was five minutes late and he hated being late. He also worried about leaving his Jaguar parked on such a busy street.

'I'm getting as bad as Penny regarding puntuality. Her ancestors came to this country on the **_Juneflower_**.'

He knocked and the door opened and he did a double-take. Gone was her frizzy 'I don't give a shit what I look like' hairdo and in its place was a straightened and wavy hairstyle that softened the planes of her cheeks and peeled a few years off her apparent age. She was wearing her contacts, makeup and a button-up sleeveless dress that ended mid-thigh.

"You're late," Leslie said in the same tone she used when calling him 'Dumbass'. She really wasn't that upset. She was behind schedule so he really was early but she had to stay in character and not let him know she was a disorganized mess in the kitchen.

"You look different." His eyes roamed over her, categorizing visible changes. She almost pirouetted for him but caught herself at the last minute.

"Good different or bad different or just different-different?" Cooper was obviously not indifferent to the changes she'd made, changes that were long overdue but for which she hadn't had sufficient provocation to make.

"It makes you more aesthetically pleasing to the eye and less like a cold-hearted bitch." He was characteristically blunt but honest. No one ever expected tact from Sheldon Cooper. But they could always rely on him to tell the truth – always.

"I'll have to re-frizz it for work. Don't want the competition thinking I'm going soft."

"No! No, don't do that. I think you will gain the advantage over them, at least those with a pulse. You look…nice."

"I was going for 'stunning' but considering the look on your face, I'll settle for 'nice'. Come in."

10pm

"I'm not looking for a relationship, Sheldon, just friendly sex with someone who knows what they're doing and doesn't want unnecessary emotional entanglements. You fit the bill so stop thinking about the 'why' and get on with the 'what'."

"I'm not looking for any relationship at all, Leslie. I've learned my lesson. Some of us are meant to be alone."

"Good. I'm glad that's settled. Now, how about showing me that tongue trick again?" She wanted him to concentrate on something that gave her pleasure but then remembered something.

"Oh, by the way, Ramona Nowitzki's back. Got her doctorate from someplace back east and is assisting Dr. Franconi in his gravity research. She asked about you."

Sheldon snorted. Franconi was a cobbler of a physicist and his 'gravity research' was nothing more than a sponge to soak up grant monies from more worthy endeavors – like String Theory.

"I hope he's made her sign a contract regarding publications and intellectual property rights. The woman is positively predatory when it comes to gaining credit on publishing results attained through the efforts of another".

"Sheldon, use that gifted tongue of yours for something other than petty politics. It's beneath you."

"Hmm, I thought you were beneath me?"

* * *

Castiglia's Fine Dining  
Pasadena, California  
6 weeks later

They were dating again and sometimes he'd sleep over but Bernadette was not convinced that the relationship could turn into more. The battles they'd fought over family and religion had left scars.

"So, Bernie, what about this weekend? I was thinking maybe we could go out to Santa Catalina and knock around Avalon and stay at that little quaint hotel you loved and – "

"Howie, I – I have a date this weekend. I'm going on a tour up in the wine country and – "

He threw down his napkin and glared at her. He hated this. He hated that she was moving on with her life and that he was just someone 'just' she dated. For the love of God they'd been married and he was trying to win her back by being the guy she'd loved enough to marry but it just wasn't working.

"Who - " he swallowed the words he was going to say and instead said, "Oh, well, maybe some other time." There was an awkward silence and then it just popped out, he couldn't help himself. "Who are you going with?"

"Sheldon, Howie. I'm not sure it's even a date, really. He just wanted someone to go with and it's no big deal, really."

"Yeah, with that Jag of his, you can be up and back in a day." Oh, how he hoped it wasn't –

"We're leaving Friday after work and spending Saturday on a guided wine-tasting tour and Sunday we're just going to enjoy a slow drive back through the countryside."

She was glad he'd asked her to go with him. She liked Sheldon a lot more since he'd begun to move on with his life. She liked his new outlook on life. He was a fun guy to be around. They'd gone out a few times before and he'd always smiled and begged off when she asked him to stay for a while. She knew he didn't drink coffee so 'a while' was her personal 'Sheldon Coitus Code' but so far he hadn't gotten the hint.

"But you'll have separate rooms, right? I mean, it's Sheldon, after all."

* * *

Flashback

She stood in the bedroom doorway, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. He had finally fallen back to sleep and she was torn between lying down with him to ensure there were no more bad dreams for a while at least and running away as fast as her legs would carry her.

When she walked into the bedroom, the heavy drapes had been closed against the heat of the day and the only light was from the floor lamp in the corner of the room. Sheldon had fallen asleep.

Bernadette had walked over and sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at him. She was remembering the argument she'd had in the parking lot with Penny. Sheldon woke up for a few seconds and saw her outlined against the light of the floor lamp and sighed.

"I had the most horrible dream…" Bernadette leaned closer to hear his whispered comment and he reached up and pulled her into a kiss. She was so shocked that she unable to even think.

"Mmm, you taste different, Penny, but a nice different. I'm so tired…" and he fell back to sleep, still holding her against him.

'He thought I was her…and that she's come back and that this has all been a horrible nightmare…"

"Sheldon, wake up, please. It's Bernadette and I need to tell you some things."

She had held him while he cried and then finally fell into an exhausted slumber. Pulling herself free from his loose embrace, she grabbed a Kleenex from the vanity and walked down to the kitchen, dabbing at her tears.

End flashback

* * *

"No, Howie. **I** made the reservations at the Bed & Breakfast for him. And before you say anything about Sheldon, it's not the first time we've dated. It's just the first time I've been in the position to do something I've wanted to do since Penny left him."

She'd been admiring his car in the parking lot and they got to talking and one thing had led to another and then…she and Sheldon were going away for the weekend together.

* * *

A/N: Trouble is coming for Sheldon as he sorts out his life. His friends prove their worth as Sheldon continues to try and make sense of a world without Penny in it. Meanwhile Penny discovers that having isn't quite as nice as wanting.

I have a direction poll being put together by my erstwhile assistant and it will be important to the story. Next chapter will include notations.

Reparata


	6. Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?

A/N: A Double Feature! A little longer than I'd like but couldn't break the flow.

To allay those fears you seem to be stoking. Two chapters means TWO reviews...lol

Enjoy.

* * *

Chapter 6

It had to be a rumor. It just had to be. It couldn't have been going on all this time and none of them, not even Leonard his best friend, had heard a rustle in the grape vine but now…

"Dude, what are you doing? I've just heard a rumor that you and Leslie Winkle have entered into the 'friends with benefits' zone. Winkle? Sheldon, I do believe this is some kind of psychological backlash to losing Penny."

"Rajesh Koothrappali, how astute of you to notice," Sheldon replied dryly, shooting daggers at his Indian friend. He was finally mastering the subtle art of the sarcastic. Facial expressions still left him perplexed at the most inconvenient times.

Sheldon ignored Raj for the next few minutes and then corrected a sign on his equation. The white boards in his office were filled with new equations based on his new viewpoint on String Theory. He realized that the whole 'monopole is the key' issue that he'd concentrated on was not intrinsically linked with his new view and he was making amazing progress.

"No, damn it, that's still not right." He reached over and changed one of the minimum limits and things seemed to blur for a second but then his 'vision' cleared.

"YES!" He capped his marker and set it on the chalk rail of the white board and then sat down behind his desk, gesturing for Raj to take a seat.

"I am simply establishing a series of non-relationship relationships that satisfy my base carnal desires. I have learned from my previous mistake. This way, by remaining totally without emotional attachment, I shall avoid having my heart torn from my chest and fed to the Harpies of Hollywood!"

His voice rose, as did he, until he was almost shouting. Realizing what he'd admitted, he sat back down in his chair, the elation of having proven another component of String Theory gone, replaced by the empty feeling he got when he stopped to think about Penny.

_Ah! The truth comes out. He's punishing Penny for leaving him broken hearted but since she is in the Big Apple, he's toying with surrogates. I would weep for him but I've suppressed my Indian tendencies toward tears when dealing with the emotional betrayal of others.'_

"So this thing with Winkle **is** actually 'friends with benefits', nothing more?"

"Yes. No. We'll never be friends. I have no intention of it being more than the occasional 'I'm bored with masturbating, let's call Sheldon' guy. You may insert any name you wish for Winkle and myself. It's an elegant solution really. A necessary release of pent up sexual tension and energy into a vessel that requires the same release. Both sides of the equation are in balance."

"Sheldon, loving someone is not an equation. It's emotional attachment, a completing of the soul, a – "

"Raj, Raj, Raj. You really must quit watching those movies on Lifetime. That's make-believe peddled to the gullible masses in exchange for advertising revenues."

Raj hated it when Sheldon adopted that paternalistic and superior tone and look. His television watching habits were not why he was here. Besides, he liked the movies on Lifetime. The romances were guides to others on how to work within the framework of a relationship and make it stronger.

Sheldon stared at his white board again, his mind on something other than physics.

"Raj, have you seen Dr. Franconi's new associate?" He wanted to test the validity of his supposition and the redheaded harridan offered the perfect opportunity. He needed intelligence before wasting a moment of his time.

"Yes, it is, indeed, Ramona Nowitzki, my friend. She has changed somewhat. I think you made quite an impression on her. She asked about you and whether or not you were still with – um – she asked about you."

"And?" Sometimes patience was a true virtue. If he waited long enough, Raj would spill the beans. He just stared at him.

"What?! She asked and I responded via notepad. She didn't seem at all put off by your change in relationship status."

* * *

Sheldon ran into Bernadette in the parking lot. She'd been admiring his car and he impulsively asked her if she'd like to take a drive some afternoon?

They'd dated every so often and Sheldon felt very comfortable around Bernie, perhaps because she'd been their friend or maybe just because she was sweet and had no personal agenda.

He cooked her dinner occasionally and she returned the favor. They were comfortable together and things never moved past the occasional make-out session on her couch. He was learning social cues and he could tell she wanted things to move forward.

He asked her to go on a tour of some vineyards and she agreed and was pleasantly surprised when he shyly explained that it was an overnight trip.

"Oh, wonderful. I'll make the reservations. We'll only need one room, honey."

* * *

London, UK  
Three months later

"What do you mean, the show's closing? We had great reviews and – "

"The backers have filed for bankruptcy and the courts have frozen their assets. We won't even be paid for our last week of performances. I suggest, Miss Drummond, that you book passage back to the States before the hotel decides to bill you instead of our backers."

Her British agent had been blunt and to the point. She was out of a job and under the terms and conditions of her visa, she had 10 days to leave the country.

'And go where?' Penny thought bitterly. She was too proud and vain to scurry home to her folks for a while until something else turned up. Besides, it would be very difficult setting up auditions in New York from Omaha.

No. She needed to be back where the action was and that was in the Big Apple.

Disregarding the time, she scanned down the listing of contacts and called her old boyfriend in New York, Barney.

_"'lo? Do you know what time it is?"_ She had awakened him and she knew he wasn't pleasant without his sleep.

"Hey, baby, the show's closing and I'm coming back – "

_"Barney, who the hell calls at 4:30 in the morning? Is it an emergency? I'll make coffee…no kiss – morning breath…"_ Penny heard a girl's voice in the background.

"Barney, are you seeing someone? You knew I was coming back – "

_"That's Claudia. You remember her, don't you? Tall brunette, blue eyes, played 'Tori' in – "_

"I don't care what she did. What's she doing in our bed?" Her voice was cold and demanding.

_"We're living together. You told me to move on because your star was rising and mine was just sitting around on its ass, remember? Well, I did and I doing an off-Broadway and the money and reviews are good. What do you want?"_

"You – you prick! Never mind. I don't need a damned thing from you."

She ended the call and threw herself on her bed. Hot tears burned her cheeks like the bridges she'd burned along the way to stardom…all but one.

* * *

Cooper Residence

Pasadena, California  
1:35am

"The woman still has no concept of time." Ramona was in the shower and he was in bed making notes on a paper they were presenting together in Vancouver in a week. It offered insights into a stunning new approach to dark matter and its possible creation.

"I asked you not to call again, Penny. Obviously you have no memory of that conversation nor have you gained an appreciation for differing time zones in the interim."

"_Sheldon, I'm coming home."_ There, she said it. Home. To him.

"Home as in the United States? Home as in New York or Omaha? This isn't your home any longer, Penny, it's mine."

_"No, no, Sheldon Cooper…it's ours. You made me sign the lease as co-lessee, remember? Su casa es mi casa, Moon Pie. And I'm coming home to Pasadena. I'll see you in a couple of days. Aren't you excited?"_

There was a pause that grew uncomfortably long.

_"Sheldon, are you still there, baby?"_

"I'm waiting and praying to hear 'Bazinga, Sheldon!'"

_"Nope, no Bazinga. I'll see ya soon, Moon Pie."_

"Who in the world is calling at this hour, Dr. Cooper?"

Ramona was the occasional overnight 'guest' and she and Sheldon had established a 'not really friends with benefits' arrangement just as he had with Winkle but she was trying her damnedest to grow it into something more permanent. She always called him 'Dr. Cooper' except in moments of intimacy when she called him everything but 'doctor'.

_"Sheldon, is there someone there with you?"_ 'Oh, God, it's like Barney all over again!'

"Yes. I have a guest and you're intruding on our limited time together so if there's nothing else…"

_"Shel, baby, please tell me that it's Missy?"_

"It's Missy, satisfied? Now, we're about to curl up and cuddle in the post-coital afterglow so if there's nothing else…" There was impatience in his voice and something else.

_"MISSY? Sheldon Cooper, have you lost your mind?!"_

"Bazinga!" He closed out the call and snapped his cell phone shut, pulling the covers aside and patting the area beside him.

"You'll catch cold, Ramona, and I would feel uncomfortable being intimate with one infected with rhinovirus. Be a lamb and slip in here. I have a few questions to go over with you regarding our paper."

He made a mental note to remind Bernie to bring a few changes of clothes over the next time she spent the night. It was ridiculous for her to have to run home to shower and change whenever she decided 'to sleepover' on a work night. It was always her decision. He never pressed her for anything more than her presence. He liked her.

She and Ramona were the only women who ever 'slept over'. Winkle had been told in his characteristically blunt manner that her services were no longer needed or wanted. After presenting the Vancouver paper, he would be through with Ramona, too. He found himself developing an emotional response to her in non-sexual situations and he wanted to nip any such feelings in the bud.

* * *

Penny's mind was still reeling from the thought of Sheldon and his sister doing – ewwwwww – when a stray thought popped into her mind. She was pacing back and forth in her hotel room, something she had picked up from Sheldon. He was right. It did 'aid in cogitation-related activities'.

_'Okay, so it wasn't Missy…then who the hell is bumping tummies with my ex?'_

She stopped dead in her tracks. Her ex. She'd never, in all the time since she'd left, referred to Sheldon as her 'ex' anything. She sat down on her bed and felt the pressure behind her eyes begin to build, heralding the tears that were soon to follow.

She was the ex-girlfriend now.

He'd gotten on with his life just as she had. She wasn't the jealous type and she realized that considering the circumstances she had no right to expect anything other than the thinly-veiled hostility in his voice.

But…

Deep down inside she was hurt that he wasn't pining away for her and jumping at the chance to be with her again even if it was only for a little while. She needed to get back to New York but there were interim opportunities in Los Angeles for an experienced stage actress with international credentials.


	7. Future Histories

A/N: Meaningless sex? Oy, reader, you have got to get out more.

Please note flashback segments.

Thanks for the read. Laniki – no review is too long – if I agree with its contents.

* * *

Chapter 7

She waited six long hours before making a call to one of her best friends in Pasadena, Bernadette. Even though she'd married Howard and seemed to be thoroughly in love, the marriage had ended in divorce and Bernie had moved into an apartment far, far away from Howard's mother who was the root cause of the divorce.

Howard had not taken it well and moved into an apartment far, far away from his mother who he believed had sabotaged his marriage. His attempts to reconcile with Bernadette were met with stony indifference. She'd made a mistake and wasn't about to repeat it. The next time she got involved with someone, she had bitched to Penny at work, he would be the precise antithesis of Howard Joel Wolowitz.

Penny was pacing back and forth in her hotel room. She needed intel on what was happening back in Pasadena and Bernadette, sweet, sweet Bernadette, knew more about who was doing whom than anyone she knew. She glanced at the clock and scrolled down her contact list and dialed Bernadette's cell.

'_This is Dr. Bernadette Rostenkowski. I cannot come to the phone. Please leave a message. Oh, and if this is Howard's mother – I hope you fall and can't get up and you're set upon by ants and the only thing they find days later is your hollow bones, you BITCH!'_

'Wow,' Penny thought, 'When she ends a marriage, she drives a stake through its heart.'

"Bernadette, hi, this is Penny and I wondered if you had a few minutes to spare, you might give me a call? I'm coming home for a while and I thought I'd move back in with Sheldon but he's…please call me back, Bernie, I made a terrible mistake and I need your help!" She put just the right amount of shakiness in her voice and sniffled strategically to garner sympathy.

She thought about calling Leonard but not only was he engaged to Sheldon's assistant, he blamed Penny for the Cooper-Drummond Singularity and for Sheldon's breakdown. Had she known that Sheldon had been hospitalized, she'd have chucked Broadway in a New York minute and been back by his side.

'_No, I wouldn't have. I would have stuck to my guns and written Pasadena off as a steppingstone out of failure and never looked back. I was focused on my dreams just as he had been focused on his Nobel Prize. How was I to know he tried to…'_

She shook her head as if to knock the thoughts out of her head. Missy's hysterical voicemail had gone unanswered because she'd been too busy with Kermit _(No, damn it, KEVIN) _to listen to her voicemails and when she finally had, it was too late.

The damage was done. Another bridge burned.

* * *

Flashback: a few days after Penny dumped Sheldon

He wasn't answering his cell and he hadn't shown up for work. Leonard and Leslie were involved in a critical experiment and the timing was all wrong for him to leave so he called Bernadette and asked her to check up on Sheldon. Leslie was already complaining about how 'Dr. Dumbass was screwing things up' and he wasn't even there.

"Leonard, he said he was going into work yesterday and I suggested that he stay home for a few days and get centered before going back to work. Maybe that's what he's doing. His cell is probably off because…because he doesn't want us intruding on him. You know how private he is about things. Besides, it's nearly midnight and you know how anal he is about his 'REM cycle'."

"He wouldn't turn off his phone, not now, not when Penny might be calling to beg him to take her back. You know how impulsive and irresponsible she can be and so does Sheldon. I'll bet – "

"I'll go now, Leonard. You're wrong. You didn't see her face when she talked about leaving. She said he was suffocating her…"

"Call me when you see him and tell him…tell him we're here for him. Make sure he knows to call if he just wants to talk or – "

"Leaving now. Bye." Bernadette pulled on sweats over her pajamas and rushed out of her apartment while pulling on a coat. It was raining and she ran to her car as fast as her little legs would carry her, cursing the weather man who predicted sunny skies and warm temperatures. It had been raining all day.

She pulled up into the driveway and ran up to the front door and rang the bell - twelve times in all - before she tried her cell phone and put her ear to the door and listened for his cell to ring. There. She heard it.

She pounded on the door, calling out his name but there was no answer. Bernadette darted around the side of the house to the gated garden entrance and rushed into the backyard and screamed.

Sheldon was lying face down in the grass in the rain. She ran over to him and rolled him over onto his back. His skin was ice cold and his lips had a bluish tinge to them. There was an empty bottle of vodka lying beside him and one more on the floor of the covered patio under the small table.

She fumbled with her cell phone in the cold rain and dialed 9-1-1.

* * *

Pasadena General Hospital  
Emergency Room

Some kind soul had given her a blanket to wrap up in and a pair of scrubs to wear. She had been soaked to the skin and shivering. A nurse came out and handed her a clipboard with an admission form on it.

"Ms. Drummond, if you wouldn't mind filling this out as emergency contact, I'd appreciate it. He's being admitted and a doctor will be with you shortly to bring you up to date on his condition and treatment."

"I'm not – "

"His blood alcohol level is – well, if you hadn't found him and called for an ambulance when you did, between exposure and respiratory depression, he'd be on a slab in the morgue by morning."

The nurse hated dealing with drunks who drank until they passed out. At least this one hadn't been driving. She felt sorry for his girlfriend. She seemed nice.

"I'm not Penny Drummond. She's in New York City. I'm just a friend, Dr. Rostenkowski."

The nurse snatched the clipboard out of Bernadette's hand and glanced at the clock. "I'm sorry. You're not family and I should have asked if you were Penny Drummond before giving out privileged information. Do you have Ms. Drummond's cell phone number?"

The same nurse came back a few minutes later and apologized for her rudeness. "I just got a lesson in New York manners. The man who answered her phone said to call back, it was 4 o'clock in the morning. Can you please complete this?"

* * *

A harried looking doctor walked out into the ER waiting room and spotted Bernadette and motioned for her to follow him. She had been the only one in the waiting room.

"Dr. Cooper is suffering from acute alcohol poisoning as well as the effects of exposure. We've put him on O2 and we're running IV's of electrolytes and glucose to aid the liver in metabolizing it. I'm guessing here, but has he had some emotional loss or – "

"His girlfriend cleaned out his bank account and left him for New York. She's the star of a hemorrhoid commercial and thinks she's a diva. Yeah, he was…crushed and I thought he was okay and so I left him alone but then…"

"There, there…you couldn't have known he'd drink himself into the hospital. Is he normally a heavy drinker?"

Leonard and Winkle, still in lab clothes, showed up a bit later with Raj in tow shortly thereafter and Bernadette immediately grabbed Leslie and pulled her aside.

"One 'dumbass' outta you and I'll kick your ass so hard you won't be able to pee sitting down for a week! He doesn't need your shit, Winkle," she eyed Leonard and Raj, "Or anyone else's either. I shouldn't have left him alone. He could have died…"

Leonard called Missy since he knew the last thing Sheldon needed was Mary Cooper flying in and going all prayer-circle-pious on him.

He woke her up but she was instantly awake and even before Leonard could relay any of the details she said, "What's wrong with Shelly? Why isn't Penny calling me? Are they both hurt or…"

Leonard blurted it all out and listened for a few moments and then said, "Let me know your flight number and I'll pick you up. No, she wouldn't take the hospital's call." There was a long pause and then Leonard said, "Good bye, Missy."

"Missy's calling Penny and then flying here tomorrow…or today, I mean. I don't think Penny's her favorite person right now. I think Texas is 'gonna open a can of whoop ass on Nebraska'. She said she knew something was wrong – some weird twin thing…"

Bernadette sat down and pulled the blanket tighter around her. _'I shouldn't have just left him. I know how I felt after Howie and I split up. I should have stayed with him…'_

End flashback


	8. So Little Time

A/N: Taking a break. Getting burned out. Later.

Reparata

* * *

Chapter 8  
Present day

Bernadette was just walking into her lab when she felt her cell phone vibrate in her lab coat pocket. She didn't recognize the area code so she let it go to voice mail.

She was wearing her hair in a messy bun because she was probably going to spend most of the morning wearing a Level-5 hazmat suit and she hated it when hair got in her face. The glass faceplate seemed to attract stray strands of hair.

'_I wonder if Sheldon can figure out some way to fix that?' _ Lately she'd entertained such random thoughts about the too-tall physicist a lot. She liked him. Really, really liked him but she knew it was a hopeless cause and so she settled for what time they had together.

She giggled to herself when she remembered their trip up to the wine country. He'd been so courtly and shy. She wondered if it was her imagination or if he was really _nervous? _That first night in their room at the Bed & Breakfast had been awkward at first until she tugged him down and kissed him, murmuring afterwards that she wanted him and wasn't going to take 'no' for an answer.

It had been a wonderful weekend of discovery for both of them. They'd been friends before but now they'd crossed an imaginary line and she waited for the 'friends with benefits' explanation and discussion but it never came.

She wasn't sure why, either. Everyone knew that after Penny had ripped him to shreds that any liaison with Dr. Sheldon Cooper was purely physical. Winkle had been the first. Now she was gone.

They'd dated more frequently and she'd initiated a few sleep-overs, somewhat flattered when he told her that she was the only woman to grace his bed since _she_ had left.

They weren't 'exclusive' and she knew that he'd ended things rather abruptly with Leslie Winkle and occasionally dated a woman physicist with whom he was working on a paper for presentation the next week in Vancouver. She had dated her ex-husband but that had abruptly ended when she told him about the wine country trip.

She checked her phone and saw a voice mail message and accessed it. She almost dropped the phone in shock when she heard Penny Drummond tearfully asking for her help.

'_She's got a lot of damned nerve calling any of Sheldon's friends for 'help'. I know her. I know how she thinks and there's more to this than her saying she made a mistake. It's doesn't take nearly TWO years to realize you love someone.'_

It hadn't taken _her _long at all to recognize that what she felt for Sheldon was more than just nice comfortable sex and companionship with a dear old friend.

She put her phone in her purse and locked it away. She was going to be working with Ebola _Marburg_, possibly the most virulent strain of the Ebola virus ever discovered, and she didn't need any distractions. When she had first accepted a fellowship in virology, she'd mentioned it to Sheldon and Penny over Thai food.

"I'm so excited to be offered this opportunity. Virology is such an exciting field of study since viruses are the simplest and yet most complex organisms that we know of."

Sheldon's look had captured hers and she was absolutely certain that something had happened between them but back then she'd written it off as nothing, just Sheldon being Sheldon, but now…

'_Sheldon had been thinking of how he must be like a virus – a simple man and yet, oh so complex. I can see the comparison. Sheldon has 'mutated' to adapt to his circumstances just as a virus does. The only difference is – wait – there's really no difference at all!'_

And then she had an epiphany. Sheldon was also adapting to her and it was so obvious if you knew what to look for. Allowing her to spend the night, allocating her drawer space, altering his worldview to include her…wow.

JFK Airport

She was going home – to Omaha – for just a few days to see her family and spend a little time just relaxing and making contact with old friends.

Her agent had given her a head's up about a possible revival of a Tennessee Williams classic and that she'd be perfect for the female lead but that auditions weren't even scheduled yet but that she'd had a word with the producer and Penny was 'in like Flynn'.

That worked out fine for her. She'd spend some time at home using the auditions schedule as a reason and then head to Los Angeles and check out the opportunities – and reconnect with her many old friends – and Sheldon – and then be back in New York.

Despite the many phone calls and the two disastrously bitter Skype video calls, she knew he still felt something for her and she had to admit that she felt something, too, and would always feel it.

They'd been good together and in the bliss of night, curled up against him, she'd even considered the possibilities of marriage and a family but then her dream, her obsession, had overshadowed everything and…here she was.

* * *

Omaha, Nebraska

'_Damn it, Bernadette, answer the frikkin' phone!'_

She'd left a voicemail for her when she left New York and now her calls were answered with _'the_ _person you are trying to reach is not accepting calls at this time'_. That was more frustrating than no answer or going straight to voicemail.

It meant she'd blocked her cell phone number. To avoid her? That was the question. Penny never considered that there were people in the world with their own agendas.

She and Sheldon had that trait in common.

* * *

CalTech Virology Research Center  
Level 5 Containment Lab C

She'd been studying the effects of heat on the CDC sample she'd been allocated, trying to determine if this strain might be less virulent than others and susceptible to the human body's elevated temperatures when it happened.

A researcher brushed against a sample container on another workstation and the container fell to the floor and shattered. She was startled by 'Oh Shit!' and looked up and saw the horror on Dr. Sander's face and then the shattered container of his sample at his feet.

She was well-trained and had been through all the drills but to actually be exposed, even though garbed in a Level 5 suit, was still frightening. Bernadette slammed an open palm against the large red button with the black chilling black BioHazard emblem and then sat down on her stool and waited.

The glass airlock doors automatically locked, red lights began flashing and shutters dropped over the lab's exterior observation windows. She was in Level 5 BioHazard isolation and she was scared to death.

Bernadette wished she hadn't locked her phone in her purse but then laughed. Even if she had her cell she couldn't use it. The thick suit she was wearing muffled sounds and she wasn't stupid enough to open her airtight faceplate.

She couldn't call her mom – it would give her another heart attack. She wouldn't call Howard. She'd made up her mind that any 'Beta Version' of their marriage was D.O.A.

She had a burning desire to speak with Sheldon, to hear his distinctly clinical analysis of her situation and the probable outcomes. Even if he said, "Bernadette, you're probably going to die," the sound of his voice would be comforting in a strange way.

The metallic taste of her backpack oxygen brought another worry – how long would it take to get them out?

* * *

Sheldon's Office

Sheldon was staring at a clean white board, deep in thought. He was mentally comparing and contrasting three women: Penny Drummond, Ramona Nowitzki, and Bernadette Rostenkowski. He had eliminated Leslie Winkle from any consideration when he'd terminated his non-relationship relationship with her.

It had always been about the sex with Winkle. He wasn't comfortable with her assertiveness and he wasn't sure he even liked her. As with most experiments, observations frequently led to changes in both expectations and methodology – thus Bernadette and Ramona.

Ramona had been a planned facet of the Grand Experiment from the beginning. Bernadette…was an unexpected variable and he normally found such surprises distasteful and distracting but Bernadette was not at all distasteful but was proving to be a distraction – one he seemed to seek out more and more.

He had set up a mental array, a grid of sorts, in his mind's eye and was entering personal observations into each cell when Raj burst into his office, obviously emotionally overwhelmed about something.

'_He probably has had another intense conversation with his parents regarding his affiliation with that sweet little girl – objecting just because she's neither Jewish or Indian. Honestly, they should rea – '_

"Sheldon! There has been an accident at the Virology Labs – they have instituted a Class 5 BioHazard alert and the lab has been quarantined! People are saying it's very bad."

Bernadette was working in a lab on something she wouldn't discuss but was both excited and uneasy about. She mentioned 'Class 5 levels' but it hadn't registered in his mind what that truly implied: incredibly lethal organisms.

Sheldon grabbed Raj by the neck of his jacket and dragged him along down the hall demanding answers to questions he knew his friend couldn't possibly answer.

He would get those answers himself. He _needed_ those answers because – because it was Bernadette trapped in that damned pathogen-laden laboratory.

* * *

A/N: An unintended cliffhanger but moving any of the next chapter to this point would have destroyed the pace and I just can't have that.

So sue me.


	9. Texas or China? Decisions Decisions

Chapter 9

**Flashback**

Sheldon was discharged from the hospital after receiving several stern lectures about the dangers of alcohol and 'binge drinking'. He had really pissed off the doctor when he interrupted to correct him on several points.

Sheldon's mom had made him attend quite a few lectures given by the WCTU in conjunction with her church's abstinence campaign before leaving for college (at the age of 11). While the doctor had many facts right, the Women's Christian Temperance Union's representative had been much more specific and horrific.

Missy drove him back to his house in her rental car. He felt badly, not because of his near-death from alcohol poisoning, oh no, not at all, but rather because he knew his sister rarely had 'a pot to piss in' and this trip must have cost her a fortune.

"Melissa, I shall reimburse you for the cost of your entire trip plus this incredibly clean rental vehicle. Now, don't even start with me, Missy Lou Cooper. I am your older brother and what I say goes."

She was going to say 'thank you' but swallowed her words and instead gave her mother's speech that she'd written down and made Missy memorize.

"Sheldon Lee, you are very precious to me and I regret that the Lord has not found his way into your heart and enabled you to avoid such a foul and frightening experience. I can only – "

"Missy, when did you get religion?"

"Hush, Shelley-bean, Momma made me memorize this and now I'll have to start all over again." She started speaking again.

"Sheldon Lee, you are very precious to me and I regret that the – "

"Melissa, please – I don't need to hear any canned lecture from our mother. Just tell her I heard what you said."

"But Shelley, you didn't let me get to the good part about 'fornicating with harlots outside of marriage' and how all this was because Penny needed the 'bonds of matrimony' to – "

"Not ONE MORE WORD!" She'd never heard her brother use that tone with anyone before and she her mouth snapped shut like a snapping turtle with a crawdad.

"I have some time off and I'm going to come home for at least a week of it so I don't want to have to listen to it twice."

"Shelley, why'd she up and leave you so quick like she did? Were you two having problems? I talked to her just a few weeks ago and she told me how happy she was with you and how you made her life complete. What in the world did you do to change that?"

"I didn't do anything…and I think that's the problem. She wanted fame and fortune and being with me was a roadblock so she left. End of story, Missy, unless you want to sleep on the back porch."

"I just asked. You don't have to get all defensive like."

"And I just answered. So give it a rest."

But she couldn't. She loved her brother and could easily see how this was eating away at him and she kept at him, nagging and nagging at him until finally he'd had enough and left the house and settled himself in the settee (aka the scene of the crime) on the patio and drank from a half-full bottle of vodka he's stuffed between the pillows during his binge.

She called Penny and when the blonde answered the phone with a cheery _'Hi, Missy!'_ she came a little unglued.

"He almost died and you didn't care enough to even call? I hope you're happy, Ms. Drummond, because when I get my hands on you, all your high-class ways won't save you from the dose of Texas asswhoopin' you're due."

_"Missy, you don't understand! I had to leave. I was suffocating and you know how he can be with his damned schedules and routines and I needed to be free and New York is the place and – "_

"He got his sabbatical the morning you left but you didn't even give him the courtesy of waiting to see if he could go with you, did you? That was your plan all along, wasn't it? Leave him and never look back! Admit it. You never intended for him to go with you. Nope. You wanted out so you left him behind."

Penny started to cry and Missy disconnected the call and went in search of her big brother (by eight minutes). She stopped just inside the French doors that led out to the patio and saw him upend a vodka bottle and drain it.

"Sheldon Cooper! You tryin' to kill yourself?" She jerked the empty bottle out of his hand and sat down in Penny's spot on the settee and pulled him down so that his head was lying in her lap.

"You need to put this behind you, Shelley. You're a lot smarter than this. You need a change of scenery and you need to take that vacation you got stored up and come home to Texas and get yourself right in the head. Shelley, you're comin' home with me!"

He'd passed out sometime during her unrehearsed speech but it wouldn't have mattered. He had an agenda and no one, not even his kin, could sway him from his goal.

* * *

LAX

Missy hugged on her brother to the point where it got embarrassing. Sheldon had come a long way in not cringing when people touched him. He could even initiate a hug on occasion (like when Bernadette left him the night he'd tried to drink himself to death).

But this was too much.

"Missy, let go or you'll miss your flight. Tell Momma I'm doing better and that the WCTU lectures are fresh in my mind now. You need to let go!"

Sheldon watched the youngest of the only three women he vowed ever to love get on a plane and fly back to Texas. No one would ever get close enough to hurt him like _she'd_ done. From now on, only his Meemaw, his momma and his sister would ever touch his heart again.

He caught the shuttle back to Pasadena and mulled over his situation. When the shuttle ended its route at the Hilton in Pasadena he got off and instead of taking a city bus home, walked into the hotel lobby and then into the bar.

He was halfway through his 4th vodka (just vodka, no ice) when his cell chirped the theme from Star Wars and he saw who was calling.

He emptied his glass and motioned the bartender over for another. He looked at his phone and when the bartender brought his fresh drink he turned off his phone. He didn't need to hear anything _she_ had to say. He was done with her and all those like her.

* * *

Leonard came after the bartender cut Sheldon off and asked for the telephone number of someone who could 'come fetch yer drunk ass, Doc'. Of course, he gave him Leonard's number.

Sheldon sat perfectly upright on the drive home. He got out of the car and thanked Leonard for 'having my back' and staggered into his house. Leonard followed, afraid that he'd continue his binge drinking once he was home but instead he found Sheldon sitting at his computer desk staring at a picture of an old Asian man on the screen.

"Leonard, I need to meet with Dr. Gong Xiang Li. He has answers to some questions regarding String Theory. I think I'll go ahead and take a brief sabbatical after all. I certainly can't continue on like this."

"Sheldon, I think that's a wise idea. I'll talk with Dr. Gabelhauser and get things rolling. You can plan your phone call to Dr. Li and – "

"Speaking of phone calls – guess who called me?" He held his phone out to Leonard who took it as if it was a turd and he held only the clean end. He looked at the caller ID and saw 'PDrummond'.

"What did she say, buddy? Is she coming back or what?"

"Didn't answer it. If you're curious, listen to the voicemail. Missy talked with her – well, hollered at her really. I'm surprised she called, aren't you?"

Leonard was surprised, and curious, so he listened to Penny's voice as she tearfully apologized and then coldly told him to 'get his shit together and quit acting like a lovesick fool'. There was more but he shut off the call and deleted the voicemail.

"Nothing important, Sheldon. She just apologized for missing Bernadette and Missy's calls. Nothing to worry about."

Sheldon was asleep, sitting up, so Leonard untied and removed his shoes and helped him lie down on the couch and covered him with an afghan and left.

The next morning Sheldon took a cab to the People's Republic of China consulate in Los Angeles and was granted a 10-day visa to visit various scientific research facilities.

* * *

A few days later he caught the LAX shuttle bus to the airport and then caught a flight to Hong Kong with connections to Beijing. He hadn't even pitched a fit at TSA sniffing his shoes.

In Beijing, members of the Bureau of State Security were alerted to the pending arrival of Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper, an American scientist who exposed the North Korean plot to steal samples of an experimental rocket fuel years earlier.

The bureaucrats pigeonholed him as a possible CIA deep cover agent and put a team on him.

The first thing Sheldon did upon being seated in 1st class was to order a drink and put on the earbuds for iPod to refresh his memory on Mandarin pronunciation.

He was a terrible flyer and the alcohol and focus on the language he hadn't spoken in years took his mind off the germ-laden aircraft.

* * *

_A/N: I shall finish this as time permits._


	10. Futureless Memories

A/N: dumping this as fast as I can.

* * *

Chapter 10

CalTech Virology Research Center  
Level 5 Containment Lab C

Sheldon stood just outside Lab C and watched as people dressed in heavy plastic protective suits and backpacks containing oxygen milled around waiting for instructions.

He had bullied his way past the security cordon simply by staring at the woman who barred his way and lying without any discernable facial contortions.

"I am Dr. Sheldon Cooper and I work here. I was at another building when I heard the news. My place is in there," he gestured to theCalTech Virology Research Center, "where my expertise is needed. Stand aside, please. You are delaying the containment of a lethal pathogen. Have you not read _The Stand_ ?"

Penny had made him watch the miniseries on TV and he'd been intrigued enough to actually read the book, something that Penny scoffed at.

"Moon Pie, why wade through all those pages when you can just sit back and watch the damned DVD?"

The security guard _had_ read the novel (or probably watched the DVDs) because she paled and stepped aside.

Sheldon was growing impatient with the lack of action to get the virologists out of the quarantined laboratory. He had no idea why he'd lied to the guard except that – he felt the need to be close to the lab – to her.

He heard someone say 'at the most, two hours remaining' and wondered what that meant? Two hours until they opened the lab? Two hours. What was so damned important about two hours?

The steel shutters had been raised and the HazMat team leader had been communicating with those inside via notes written on notepaper and held up against the glass to be read. Sheldon bent and picked up several sheets that were littering the floor and looked for a waste receptacle. Such littering did not indicate that the team leader was very neat and therefore, to Sheldon, not very careful about details.

He glanced at one page and saw the answer to his question. The note read 'about 2 hours until backpacks exhausted'.

He was staggered by the implications. Bernadette had only two hours of breathable suit air remaining. After that, she'd have to open up her faceplate for air or suffocate.

_That will just not do! _thought Sheldon. _That's Bernadette Rostenkowski in there, not some…some…some one else._

Sheldon was not shy when it came to his friends.

"Excuse me, I am Dr. Sheldon Cooper, and I demand to know what steps you're undertaking to free those poor researchers before they suffocate?"

No one had asked, apparently, or the team leader hadn't been briefed on the proper response to inquiries from the press – or pain-in-the-ass scientists - so he said exactly what was on his mind.

"Listen up, asshole! We're following Level 5 Contamination Procedures. Just be glad the lab isn't equipped with gas incineration protocols or we wouldn't talking about it - we'd be cleaning it up with a whisk broom!"

"But she's still in there!" It just popped out and the team leader's face suddenly softened and he said quietly, "They're running out of air organic to their suits. You don't want to see that, do you, Doc? If my wife was in there…I don't know what I'd be doing."

"She's – " He stopped, unable to continue. His eyes filled with unshed tears and his nails were cutting half-moon cuts in his palms.

"What happens in there after 2 hours?" he asked, looking away and blinking rapidly. _'Oh, God, Bernadette…'_

"We wait 24 hours and then we go in with disinfectants and scrub the entire room. We disinfect the – the suits of the scientists and then bring them out."

"What about heat? Bernadette mentioned that the samples they were working on seemed to die off when exposed to higher than normal body temperatures. Can't you bring in electric heaters and increase the ambient air temperature?"

"It would take too long for the scientists to survive. They'd run out of air way too soon. No, we'll follow protocols and wait out the virus. When it's dead – "

"Totally unacceptable! Totally. You are condemning her – them – to death for convenience sake. Gather all your air tanks and put them on a trolley. Then do as I suggested…raise the temperature and kill the bastards. I'll take in the tanks and remain with them to ensure they are properly exchanged and while waiting – I'll begin the disinfecting process."

The team leader saw a man who was desperate to save someone he loved. He nodded. "Okay, but understand something, Doc. You go in there and you don't come out again."

"Why didn't you simply push the trolley of tanks into the exchange area and let someone inside take the tanks?"

"Too much danger of a leak. Against – "

"I'll need electric heaters and whatever you use to disinfect the physical structure. I'll need a suit, of course; preferably one that's never been worn."

"If it's one thing I'm good at, it's cleaning."

* * *

**Flashback**

Beijing, China

Sheldon was impressed with the airport and how efficiently it was run. And how clean it was. People seemed to move from one place to another with great purpose and he liked that, too. He'd retrieved his luggage quickly and then found himself sitting in a bar sipping a horrible Chinese vodka and making notes.

"You are European?" a quiet voice asked and he was jerked from his thoughts when a pretty Chinese woman sat down across from him at the small table.

"No, American. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper and I've come all this way to speak with Dr. Gong Xiang Li. He may be able to help me solve a riddle regarding String Theory."

"I am Chen Hu Li. Your Chinese is very good, Dr. Cooper. Much better than my English. Please, call me Hu Li."

He smiled at her and she raised one sculptured eyebrow as if asking a question.

"Little Fox. It fits you."

She colored nicely and then narrowed her eyes at him.

"You came all this way for an answer you cannot possibly get, Dr. Sheldon Cooper. The man you seek is under house arrest for antigovernment activities and is not allowed visitors, not even from a visiting distinguished American physicist from CalTech."

Sheldon felt a chill run down his spine and the buzz he had going dissipated in a surge of adrenalin and fear that rushed through him. This was no casual meeting of travelers.

"Well, Ms. Chen, or should I say, Agent, or Officer, Chen, how are things in the Bureau of State Security? I would hope that I might be allowed to visit with him. Perhaps you could chaperone?"

"Be very careful, Dr. Cooper. We are not as clumsy as the Koreans nor am I expected to warm your bed to wheedle out secrets we can get from the internet!"

She was angry that her cover was blown but it was her own fault. Her respect for the CIA grew a little. This 'drunken sot' role was the perfect cover for an agent.

"Trust me when I say I have no interest in bedding anyone now or in the future, Hu Li." She was surprised and flustered when he called her by her first name but more by the look in his eyes. This was no act.

"Perhaps I could deliver a letter in which you asked your questions?" She'd been told to gain his confidence and find out the true reason for his visit.

Sheldon was irritated and tired but mostly tired of women treating him like a plaything. He let his Texas temper have free reign.

He leaned over the small table and looked into her nearly opaque eyes and whispered, "Perhaps I'll simply ask him in person, once we reach a friendly country?"

She leaned back and gave a sign of some sort with her fingers and suddenly he was grabbed from behind and handcuffed.

"Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper, you are under arrest for attempted espionage and terrorism against the People's Republic of China."

**End flashback**

* * *

Omaha  
Drummond family farm

Penny had just finished dinner and walked out on to the back porch for a few stolen moments alone while she smoked the 3rd of her allowed four daily cigarettes. She'd started smoking in London and now she wanted to quit.

Penny looked at her 'recent calls' and sighed. None of her 'friends' in Pasadena seemed to be accepting calls, let alone returning them.

She would have loved to call Raj but he couldn't speak to women, even over the phone. She paged down her contact list and found a name she didn't remember being in her address book.

"_What do **you** want?" _A hoarse voice answered the call, obviously having seen her name in caller ID.

"What's going on with Sheldon Cooper, Leslie? No one's returning calls. I need to know. I'm coming home and he doesn't want – "

"_Oh, that's just fucking perfect. The star of stage and hemorrhoid commercials makes her triumphant return just in time for the photo ops at the funeral." _Penny could hear the hatred seething behind the words but didn't understand the funeral reference.

"Funeral?"

"_I forgot for a moment. You get all your news from Entertainment Tonight,"_ she said and then hung up.


	11. Awake vs A Wake

Chapter 11

Corridor outside Level 5 Containment Lab C

"Dr. Cooper, I have to tell you again, once you cross this threshold and the door closes behind you, you are not coming out until the problem is resolved, one way or another, is that clear?"

The words were muffled by the thick plastic and the sealed faceplate but he got the gist of what the team leader was saying. He nodded and turned to the thick glass door and then stepped into the chamber and pulled the trolley in behind him.

Some kind of chemical mist streamed out of nozzles in the floor and ceiling and he waited as instructed for the mist to clear before pushing in an access code that would open the inner door to the lab.

It had taken far too long to gather the additional air tanks that would enable the scientists to survive for 24 more hours. He knew that some of them must have been breathing foul air by this time.

He went to the nearest researcher who was lying on the floor and he could see the panic in the man's eyes as he gasped for breath. Sheldon exchanged tanks and waited until the man's features calmed and went to the next researcher on the floor.

He exchanged tanks and waited for some signs of consciousness returning but finally had to admit that he'd been too late. The contract virologist on loan from the CDC, had asphyxiated. From the look on her face, it hadn't been a gentle passage into that good night.

Finally he got to Bernadette. She was gasping for breath and he quickly exchanged tanks and then put his faceplate to hers so that she could see him.

Her eyes widened and then she leaned against him in the cumbersome suit and hugged him. He wasn't sure how much time had passed but finally he disengaged from her and squeezed her hands and smiled at her.

He grabbed notepaper and wrote a quick note and gestured for her to show the others. He opened the large plastic sports bag and pulled out his equipment and started spraying each of the researchers with a solution that was lethal to all known viruses and other pathogens.

Sheldon started spraying the floor, being meticulously thorough as only he could be. He wrote instructions and got Bernadette to pass another sheet around. He glanced at the large clock immediately over the door and shook his head. Too long. This was taking too damned long.

* * *

Much later, after completing the decontamination steps he'd been given, he sat down heavily in a clear corner of the lab and leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He used too much air while cleaning and spraying all the furniture and workstations. Moving around in the heavy suit was taxing and the internal temperature was climbing so he sat down to relax and try to cool down.

News travels fast but bad news travels faster. There's a part of human nature that seems to thrive on situations such as found in the lab. The talking heads considered it 'human interest', a phenomenon similar to the inability to turn one's eye from a train wreck.

A TV remote van showed up and soon all of Pasadena knew of the horrible lab accident. And then the Networks picked up the story. The CDC began issuing denials, warnings, and then began the usual stonewalling when someone in government got caught with their pants down.

Flashback

US Embassy  
Beijing, China

He'd been roughed up, certainly more than he'd sustained on the playground when Wally Fenstermacher had demanded his lunch money and he, of course, had refused. Like his playground experiences, his bruises were only physical, not psychological, or so he told the Embassy staff.

He sat across the table from a woman who said she was the 'Deputy Commercial Attaché' but whose mien screamed 'C.I.A. Station Chief'. He'd sat through the _Borne Identity_ after losing a bet to Penny and had absorbed details that his mind provided now.

"Dr. Cooper, the Chinese government has quietly dropped all charges against you on the condition that you never return to their country or try and contact Professor…" and she fumbled for his name in her notes.

"Dr. Li. He's under house arrest according to Chen Hu Li for 'anti-government activities'. I came here to speak with him regarding my – "

"It doesn't matter. You're going home and your passport will be confiscated until an investigation into your conduct here has been completed."

She looked at the battered man leaning heavily on the table across from her and wondered what else had been done to him other than a broken nose and a black eye and a few cracked ribs?

He'd gotten off lucky. If they hadn't been watching the Chinese agents at the airport he could have been 'disappeared' and his disappearance would never have been investigated.

"I'm not going home. If I return to the US, it will be to Galveston. I think a few weeks are appropriate for recovery."

* * *

He didn't utter another unnecessary word until the sequence of flights he'd taken finally arrived in Houston. He had utilized the amenities offered by 1st class and gotten quietly drunk while desperately trying not to break down in tears.

Everything he had done in life lately had gone wrong: Penny, his attempt to escape his pain through alcohol, and now this. He took another sip of his chilled vodka and stared out the window of the plane.

He would see a dentist in Galveston. The broken molars would need to be tended to.

Bush Int'l Airport  
Houston, TX

Sheldon had called Missy from San Francisco and asked to be picked up and she immediately picked up on his speech patterns and hesitations.

"Shelley, why are you talking like you have a mouthful of cotton? My lands, I swear you…"

"I ran into the Chinese equivalent of Wally Fenstermacher but I wouldn't give them my lunch money this time either and so…"

"Sheldon, are you drunk? I thought you promised me – "

"No. The embassy gave me some pain pills and you know how pure my blood is."

"I'll pick you up, Shelley. Just give me your flight info…"

* * *

He palmed two of the pain pills and dry-swallowed them. He'd need them if Missy allowed her enthusiasm free reign. _'It would be ironic if I succumbed to a punctured lung due to excessive celebration, wouldn't it?'_

"Goodbye, thank you for flying American Airlines…goodbye, thank you for flying American Airlines…goodbye…"

He brushed past the flight attendant who was the official 'Goodbye, thank you…' voice of the airlines and walked slowly down the jetway to the concourse. Knowing Missy, he would have time to find a quiet corner to sit down and center him self. She was as prone to being late as was Penny.

He dozed off, reliving a portion of his interrogation at the hands of the Chinese BSS and woke up gasping for breath. He'd been water boarded a few times and it was a recurring nightmare and probably would for years to come.

* * *

Level 5 Containment Lab C

He jerked awake, unable to breathe and for a moment was back in the hands of the Chinese and being interrogated again. He couldn't catch his breath and he started to rip off the faceplate of his suit when strong hands grabbed his wrists to stop him. Panicking and calling on reserves he didn't know he had, he batted away the restraining hands and tried to open his faceplate.

The same strong hands slammed into him and held him down while others sprayed his suit and then lifted him onto a gurney, out of the lab and down endless banks of fluorescent lights into a 'clean' room. His suit was quickly cut from his body and an oxygen mask placed over his face.

He heard Bernadette saying his name and then Howard say 'W_e have to go, Bernie, it's not safe. They'll take care of him. Let me take care of you,_' and then slipped into darkness.

* * *

LAX  
Arrivals Terminal

Penny had flown to Los Angeles after her brief and bitter conversation with Leslie Winkle. She Googled the 'CalTech Incident' and read all about the accident and how one 'teacher at CalTech' had entered the contaminated area to deliver oxygen to trapped researchers.

There had been only one fatality: S. Cooper, PhD.

From that point on she was on autopilot. She took the airport shuttle to Pasadena and then a cab to their house not far from the University.

It was lit up like a Christmas tree and she wondered if Missy and Mary had flown in for the funeral and were staying there rather than a hotel. Knowing Leonard, he offered them Sheldon's house for as long as they needed it. There were at least a dozen cars parked along the street and several in their driveway. _"His, not ours, not any more."_

This was going to get awkward fast.

A/N Going as fast as I can. Be patient, all 28 of you.


	12. First a Drawer Then a Key

Longer than I'd like. Thanks, 26.

* * *

Chapter 12

Sheldon had been released after a butt-numbing series of inoculations and given a list of things to do (rest, avoid stress, be damned glad you're alive) and things not to do (drink, drive, stress). Leonard and Alex had waited for him, correctly guessing that driving was something he wasn't up for.

Leonard drove Sheldon's Jaguar and Alex followed in his car to give him a ride back to their place. Every attempt to engage in conversation turned into a confrontation.

"Sheldon, that was a very brave thing you did. And also one of the stupidest things. Do you have a death wish? Don't you know how dangerous – "

"Statistics have shown that more accidents occur while the driver is in an agitated conversation than impaired. Please watch the road, Leonard. I have no desire to expire in a fiery crash in a vehicle I have come to feel great affection for."

Leonard threw both hands in the air in frustration and Sheldon grabbed the wheel.

"Perhaps you should seek psychiatric help, Leonard, since you seem to have a death wish and don't care whom you take with you. I suspect that dear Alex would be upset if you died. She cares for you and you for her. Why risk what some would gladly kill for?"

"Why did you let Howard drag Bernadette out of the clean room? She wanted to be with you and you just watched him throw a cockblock that should be on YouTube. Don't you care – "

"Leonard, such vulgarity is beneath you. Howard is in love with his wife."

"Ex-wife."

Sheldon glared at the interruption (and implied correction).

"Who am I to stand between them and their chance to reconcile? Besides which, Bernadette was hardly in a reliable frame of mind to make such a declaration."

"I wasn't sure you heard her." _Sheldon Cooper, don't you dare die on me! I love you!_

"I heard her. She was just overwhelmed with emotions, Leonard, nothing more. When she realizes what she said and has time to think about it, she'll be mortified and I'll lose a dear friend."

Leonard pulled into Sheldon's driveway and turned off the Jag's engine. "Sheldon. Listen to me. You're my best friend. You are arrogant and condescending and you drive me fucking crazy sometimes but I love you more than my own brother. You're wrong. We all heard it. Howard dragged her away because – "

"Thank you for the ride home. I'll be fine. I have been injected with sufficient anti-virals and antibiotics to enable me to roll around on the floor of a bus after being cut with razor blades and still remain healthy. Howard is also my friend as is Bernadette. Who am I to deny them their chances at happiness? What kind of friend does that?"

"She's more than a friend, Sheldon. You gave her a _drawer_…" He stopped talking and tossed the keys to Sheldon across the Jag's passenger cabin and sighed heavily.

He knew how his friend's mind worked. He wanted to allow Howard to reunite with Bernadette just as he still longed for his own 'reconciliation' with She Who Must Not Be Named.

Sheldon got out of the car and walked slowly up the drive to the garden gate and waved at Leonard as he got in his own vehicle with Alex and drove off. He could smell the vile stench of being cooped up in a glorified plastic sweat lodge for the past 24 hours and he desperately wanted to shower.

In another vehicle across town a totally different conversation had taken place. It had been just as confrontational but a lot louder.

* * *

"Where are we going? Why did you drag me out of there? Didn't you hear what I said? I said – "

"You're overwrought and not thinking straight, Bernie. Listen. Please. I just want to talk. I want to talk about us and see if we can try to – "

"Please pull over. I'll call a cab. We – there is no 'We', Howard, and hasn't been for a long time. Dating you was a solution to the loneliness and nothing more. I've moved on and so should you. Please, pull over and let me out. If you ever really loved me, you'll let me go."

He jerked the car over to the curb and his grip on the steering wheel tightened until he thought he could feel the tendons begin to tear. _'It isn't over. Not by a long shot. She'll come to her senses and realize she is mistaking a huge mistake and she will come crawling back to me on my terms. No one in their right mind could ever love Sheldon Cooper. Even Penny came to her senses._

"Fine. Go. You're making a mistake but I understand how you think what you feel is love when it's just pity and gratitude. He saved your life and all those others because – "

"Goodbye, Howie. I'll call a cab. You'll feel better about things once you reconcile with your mother. She's all you really need."

She took out her cell phone and called for a cab. Yes, she'd been overwhelmed by the entire situation but it wasn't pity. She loved the big stork-dork and she knew he felt more than 'like' for her. The look on his face when he'd found her and exchanged her tanks was nothing but raw emotional longing.

Bernadette had been escorted by the team leader through the decon process, allowed to shower and put on the clothes Leslie Winkle loaned her and then to Sheldon's 'clean room' where he was surrounded by doctors and nurses in protective gowns.

"I know I don't have to tell you that what he did was incredibly brave and incredibly stupid, but that man was ready to die with you rather than live without you," said the team leader.

She heard Howard in the hallway but stayed focused on the figure lying on the gurney, wearing an oxygen mask. She could see the fear and desperation in his eyes and her heart broke when their gazes met.

"_Sheldon Cooper, don't you dare die on me! I love you!"_

It just popped out. She hadn't intended to make such a pronouncement in public but she couldn't help it. She wanted him to know how she felt so that if…

The cab pulled up and jolted her from her thoughts. She gave the driver Sheldon's address. She was going to go there, take a shower and change clothes and then grab some clean clothes for him and return to the facility. She didn't want him to feel abandoned.

She wasn't Penny. She would stand by her man.

* * *

Cooper Residence  
Pasadena, CA

His mother and sister were in the kitchen making him something to eat and he'd been surprised to find them in his house when he got back. Apparently Leonard had called them and explained the situation. They'd been here since early that morning.

He was physically exhausted and the last thing he needed was to be fussed over but they were his family and so he listened to their lectures about following the doctor's orders and smiled and nodded and then walked up and into his bedroom to shower.

Sheldon stood in the shower, leaning against the cool tiles, his mind almost totally at rest. The sense of cleanliness was a welcome change from how he'd felt earlier. He owed Leonard an apology for demanding that he roll up the windows. He hadn't caught his own smell until he got out of the car.

Neither his mother or his sister had commented on his stench but he wrote that off to the joy of having him alive and available to nag. He remembered it odd that they had breathed through open mouths.

Bernadette paid off the cab and walked up the driveway.

'_His car's here and the hood is hot…he's in there and that's perfect. He won't be able to run from me when I repeat what I said, only this time, no one's gonna get in my way. I'll have my arms around his scrawny frame and my face buried in his neck. He'll have to listen then.'_

Bernadette used her key, another huge concession on his part, giving her the key_. 'I greatly dislike being interrupted if you choose to drop by or if I'm cooking our dinner, so here,'_ and he'd handed her a key.

When she thought about it, it hadn't been a concession at all. They weren't in a negotiation at all. They were fumbling their way to a relationship. He'd offered it with that lame-ass excuse of his but what he'd been saying was '_you're always welcome here' _in his own shy way.

Bernadette walked through the mudroom and into the kitchen. She paused at the French doors that opened up onto the patio and opened them. The place was stuffy and she wanted to air it out.

"OH!" She turned around and saw Mary and Missy Cooper, both seated at the kitchen table, looking at her in surprised amusement. She knew who they were. She'd met them before.

"I came by to check on Sheldon. I – I was one of the researchers he saved."

"Oh, Bernie, dear, you're so much more than that, aren't you? You have a key and all Shelley talks about is Bernadette, Bernadette, Bernadette."

"It's – " she started to say 'it's complicated' but Missy cut her off when she hauled her into a Missy-hug while Mary Cooper just smiled.

"You two make such a cute couple, Bernadette," said Missy.

Mary Cooper was more to the point. "I thank Jesus that he led you to him in his hours and days of need. That _woman_ nearly destroyed my son and he's been much happier since you two…began dating."

There was no doubt at all in any of their minds just who 'that woman' was, nor the devastation her leaving Sheldon had caused.

"I didn't know he'd been released yet. I came to pick up some clothes so he wouldn't have to wear hospital scrubs home. The CDC has burned all our clothing."

In a much smaller and tremulous voice Bernadette said, "I thought I was going to die and then there he was, swapping out my air tanks and when he looked at me through the suit face plates and smiled, I knew everything would work out."

"Go on up, child, and tell him how you feel. Lord, it's as plain as day that you're head over heels in love with my son. Tell him. He needs to know. I think you'll be surprised at his reaction."

"He's in the shower, Bernie," Missy smirked. "From here I'd say you need one, too. Go. Be kind to the environment. Share the shower."

"Melissa! That's hardly – "

"Momma, stifle. It's not like they haven't seen each other in the all together, now, is it? She has a _key…"_


	13. Avoiding Confrontation

Chapter 13

Since time and a chapter separate these scenes, here's a refresher.

_From that point on she was on autopilot. She took the airport shuttle to Pasadena and then a cab to their house not far from the University._

_It was lit up like a Christmas tree and she wondered if Missy and Mary had flown in for the funeral and were staying there rather than a hotel. Knowing Leonard, he offered them Sheldon's house for as long as they needed it. _

_This was going to get awkward fast._

* * *

Sheldon sat in his spot on the couch and watched as people milled around a folding church table that Penny had picked up somewhere and had been kept in the mudroom. It was covered with one his white sheets. They made selections from various plates, bowls and trays that had been purchased or brought by those in attendance.

Leonard and Alex had conspired (yes, it had been a conspiracy or so it seemed to Sheldon) with his mother and sister and invited friends and colleagues from the University to a pot-luck dinner party. There was no specific reason, just friends and associates having an impromptu celebration of life.

Tomorrow would be a difficult time for some of them and this was the only reason Sheldon hadn't pitched a fit at this invasion of his home. They needed something to take their minds off the memorial service for one of their own, Dr. Sandra Cooper, MD, PhD, who has expired in the quarantined lab despite his best efforts.

Still, it was very nerve wracking for Sheldon.

He desperately needed a drink. His palms were sweating but since he was wearing khaki-colored Dockers, he couldn't wipe them on his pants. Instead, he pressed his palms flat against the dark brown fabric of the couch and prayed no one approached him and offered their hand to him.

Soft, warm arms wrapped themselves around his neck and chest from behind, palms flat against his chest, over his heart. Bernadette pressed a soft cheek against his and whispered, "Sheldon, you really need to eat something and I'm hungry. You carry the plates and I'll make the selections. I'm hungry and - " As if to emphasize the point, her stomach growled and he gave a very uncharacteristic chuckle.

"Fine. I suppose I'd better feed you then lest you pass out from hunger."

* * *

Flashback

_The bedroom door was open and she could hear the shower running. Bernadette was suddenly aware of how she smelled and a wicked smile appeared on her elfin face._

_She left her clothing in a pile on the bathroom floor and opened up the shower door and slipped between the wall and Sheldon. His arms were raised as he lathered his hair with shampoo so it was easy for her to wrap her arms around him._

_He squawked a startled sound but then relaxed into the awkward hug. She was barely 5 feet tall and she always commented that she loved the difference because she could hear his heart beating when they hugged. And it was pounding in his chest from being startled._

"_I know you heard what I said, Sheldon. It's true. I do love you and I know you feel something for me. I saw the look on your face in the lab. Don't you dare say that 'it was just a response to the situation'. Don't you dare say 'it's not true'. Don't you – "_

"_You stink, Little Bit." That was the only thing he'd said to her. He bathed her in the shower, his large hands using the body wash to caress her, to show her what she meant to him, to show her how he felt since words were not enough and try as he might, he could never find the right words._

_Her body was thrumming with desire and need. When she wrapped a fist around him and began stroking him, he gently removed her hand and placed it over his heart and continued his cleansing._

_He was very good at cleaning._

* * *

Bernie handed him two plates and walked around the table adding things and commenting on others. She knew his tastes and knew how structured his eating habits and preferences were. For example, he detested the aftertaste of asparagus, loved water chestnuts but only in certain dishes and preferred his steaks medium rare. His tolerance for spicy foods was amazing and the hotter the better.

"Little Bit, these plates are becoming a burden and you know I abhor – "

"Hush, darlin', you're stronger than you think." It was a veiled reference to how he'd once carried her from the couch where she'd fallen asleep during a Dr. Who Marathon on ScyFy and he'd carried her bridal-style up to their room. She'd awakened as he climbed the stairway and stiffened in fear but he'd merely whispered, "I won't let you fall, Little Bit, I'm stronger than you think."

Mary Cooper hid a smile behind her napkin. Her Shelley-bean finally had a woman in his life that would stay the course. She hadn't been a bit pleased when she'd learned that 'Bernie' was divorced from Shelley's 'little Jew friend' but seeing them together lessened the distaste she felt for those who were divorced.

Missy heard the doorbell. It was probably someone from the University who wasn't really good with clocks. That thought brought a smile to her face and she laughed to herself. Raj had come without his latest attempt at a girlfriend and she'd spent most of the evening with him, plying him with screwdrivers to keep the conversation going.

Even though her mother thought alcohol was the Devil's Drink, she didn't object when others drank, deeming it a sign and opportunity from God for her to pass out one of her many, many pamphlets on temperance. When Missy had first slipped him a screwdriver, she pursed her lips in anticipation of a Demon Alcohol pamphlet being pressed into his hand. Mary had been occupied elsewhere so she kept plying him with booze.

Whoever it was, they were becoming impatient. The doorbell rang twice more.

"Missy, the doorbell. Perhaps it's a late arrival or someone from the CDC come to take more blood samples from poor Bernadette or Sheldon."

"Could be, Raj. One of them government vampires. Well, it _is_ dark. And vampires only come out at night," she tossed over her shoulder, laughing.

Missy opened the door with her usual bright smile but then stepped back and slammed it as hard as she could.

"Missy? You slammed – " started Raj but Missy cut him off with "It _is_ a vampire…oh…my…God!"

She turned around in the foyer and her furious gaze met her brother's and she gave him a signal from childhood and stomped into his den/office and waited.

Sheldon murmured, "What does she want now?" He saw the hand signal they used as children to signify 'Danger, parental argument' and he'd glanced quickly over at his mother but she was raptly listening to something Leonard was saying to her. "I'll be right back, Bernadette. Missy is in the midst of a meltdown over something. I'll just be a moment."

The doorbell sounded again and again as Sheldon crossed the foyer into his office and he asked Raj in passing to "please attend to the door, Rajesh. They're quite insistent," and went into his office where Missy was standing.

Raj opened the door and his first thought was to step back as Missy did but instead he stepped out onto the covered porch, closing the door behind him.

"What are you doing here, Penny?" There was none of the usual Koothrappali joy at seeing an old friend and his mutism had fled him, pushed away by a surge of anger and a liberal lacing of alcohol.

"Hello, Raj. I – I came for Sheldon's funeral. It sounds more like a party than a wake. Can – can I come in, please?"

"I don't think that would be a wise course of action. His friends and family are gathered here and – "

"Please? I – I never realized just how much I loved him until he was gone…" A solitary tear ran down one cheek.

* * *

Sheldon's Office

"What do you mean, _you knew_ she was coming?" Missy's eyes were fixed on Sheldon's and if looks could kill…

"She called almost two weeks ago. Her show closed in London and she said she was coming back here. I told here she was no longer welcome in my home and she was quick to point out that she was also a signatory of the lease/purchase agreement…"

The anger fled as she saw her brother's face contort in something she rarely witnessed – indecision. She knew how he adored the structure of a contract and would adhere to the terms and conditions if it killed him.

"Do you remember almost dying after she left? Do you remember how your friends gave you support and love and strength when you had none? And what about Bernadette?"

Gone was the arrogant physics genius. In his place was a just a man unable to decide what to do.

"I – I don't know what to do. I don't want her here and yet – "

Missy seized the reins of this runaway situation and issued him his marching orders.

He looked so grateful that she hugged him tightly and whispered, "It's gonna be okay, Shelley. I'll handle things here. You go fetch Bernadette and stay at her place."

She watched her brother walk like a death row inmate over to where Bernadette sat. He leaned over and said something and her face clouded and she looked like she was going to cry but then she jumped up and grabbed his hand and dragged him out onto the back patio and into the night.


End file.
